i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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