If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize