my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
