you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
