OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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