I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
