The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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