I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
