You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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