I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
