I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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