My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
