Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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