no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
