I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
