Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
