Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
