hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
