ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
