Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
