I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
