She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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