Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
