so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
