Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
