My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
