i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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