I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
vagina is talking i cant
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
