i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
