your thong is hanging out like whoa
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
