You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
