Me. At least after what I've been through.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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