Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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