I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
