So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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