I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
