I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
