Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
