if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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