at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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