He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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