ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
