We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
