I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
