20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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