New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
