My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
