i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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