I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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