Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
