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Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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