Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
