i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
