I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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