I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
