I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
