I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
