i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
