I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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