I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
