Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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