I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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