So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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