guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
